My husband was out of town and I was on my 3rd day with the boys without his help, desiring it so much yet doing better than day 1. My oldest and I found ourselves in the mist of a dual of “who will give in first” – will he stop screaming about not being able to ride his bike anymore or will I engage him in angry dialogue about why coming in the house was a result of his disobedience. At the moment I was still calm not getting angry and calmly answering his questions.
I’m not sure how long it took him to get in front of me from the front door to where i was sitting on the living room floor, but there he was, mouth spewing disrespectful and hurtful words and I just on the brink of spewing some back when out of nowhere he flung himself into my arms for a massive embrace with tears flowing. And I, shocked for just a few seconds hesitated, then wrapped my mama arms around him and brought him in near into my embrace.
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.”
This verse is one that stood out to me in the very meaty passage I studied this week (Eph 2:11-22) from the *Glorious Grace Study.
There’s something about “being brought near” that floods my heart with emotions. Maybe its from my past of being rejected and not really fitting in with people in my own culture and others’. Maybe its because I’ve put on so many different identities in my lifetime and none them made me feel at home.
Or maybe its because once i found my true acceptance and identity in Christ I still ran/run to other things for a since of shallow affirmation or worth. When those things once again leave me empty i run home to the arms of the one who shed His blood for me, the one who gives me true worth and forgives and “he walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me I am His own”
I WAS brought near. When I was once far off, dead in my sin.
I AM brought near. When i demand and go my on way He never leaves me and His grace is quick to affirm that.
In my son’s sin he teaches me about my own. I see his wrestle – fighting against the strong desire to do what he wants versus obeying what I have said. Even at such a tender naive age of 4 he thinks he knows best.
Even at my “tender” age of almost 35 I can sometimes think I know whats best for me and make my own decisions apart from God or even battle with Him about what I want or why I don’t understand His decision or I don’t understand his plan.
So sometimes with tears all I can do is fling myself into his arms – the sovereignty and security of His arms and once again draw near. Being reminded I am His and He is mine.
*This is my fourth week going through the bible study Glorious Grace. Excited about what God is revealing and anticipating what is to come. You can read my takeaway from wk 1- A Great Transformation; Wk 2 – Gloriously Complete, Wk 3 – An Accurate View, Wk 4 – Walking in Them: Good Works