I laid down in bed with the faint smell of poop lingering in the air or possibly on me :/while listening to the cries in the background of both my boys protesting the nap that i enforced early. Why? Cause Mommy needs to lay down. Mommy is overwhelmed, frustrated, missing her man (whose out of town), and prone to do or say more things that she will regret.
I lay and pray. I think about the cover of a book a dear friend just gave to me as a gift. It has a woman laying down and the title is “Desperate: Hope for the Mom who Needs to Breathe” – yep that’s me – needing time to breath. This leads me to think about another book that i have by the same author called “The Mission of Motherhood”. That title hits me and i begin thinking about what my mission really is:
Here lately, and if i’m honest most of my days my mission is not motherhood. Its usually the home tasks and task for work. I’m embarrassed to even type those words. I feel shame. I’m grieved that my perspective is so twisted, my priorities out of wack. Some of the responsibilities of raising my boys become bothersome tasks that get in the way of me doing other things on my to do list :(. I’m grieved. That truth makes me cry. I know its totally normal to just be frustrated, tired, and needing to rest, but i think at times a bulk of my frustration comes from . . .
1. them” interrupting” my “urgent” or down time.
2. doing things with them that i don’t like to do (yep i’m confessing it) or that frustrate me like potty training,even though these things are a part of my mission as a Mom.
I like the word mission rather than responsibility because it reminds me that there is a purpose in it.
I’m God’s daughter first, a wife second, and Mom third. With each of these come responsibilities that I desire to do with joy and purpose even when they are as humbling as cleaning poop. I’m a Mom and i must believe that what i do and how i do it matters. As much as i daily want to give up on potty training – again; not read Dr Seuss for the 3rd time; go outside with my kids and play, change another diaper, give my focused attention to them because I have a deadline (this list could go on). All of these and much much more are a part of my job description as a Mommy – it is one of my most Important missions. Also, my most rewarding :). I L. O. V. E. my boys and they daily bring smiles and laughter to my face. I’m also held accountable to God for the way i raise them – they are our most important most long term disciples.
So i’m learning that its good and ok to take time to just enjoy them even when the house is messy and the inbox is full. They are my priority. I aim to give them my focused attention at some parts of the day with my phone and ipad out of sight. With that said, I will also help train them to spend time playing alone (one day together :)) and to respect the time that Mommy has things to do like make dinner, talk with Daddy, clean and etc. I’m learning though that for my lil guy right now when I give him some focused time he doesn’t fight for my attention as much when i am cooking or working – his cup is full :). As for my littlest guy – well, right now distraction is the game plan cause he is all about Mommy all the time :).
All of these plans though are null, void and unsuccessful without the power of the Holy Spirit – giving me strength to be missional and reminding me there’s grace when i am not.
So what about you? What are the Mommy responsibilities that are not your favorite and what is God teaching you through it?